So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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