Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
