Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
