o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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