This girl is more easily done than said...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
