He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
