just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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