dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ugly people sure do ruin things
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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