No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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