guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its liver damage thursday
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