if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
