I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
