Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
