I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
