I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
