Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
