i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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