You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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