So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
