The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
