He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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