Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
