yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did I show you my penis last night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize