that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
