You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
