If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
