please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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