pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Even my vagina gasped.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
