There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize