I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
