sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
