5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
