We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
