sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
