I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize