Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
