Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
