this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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