Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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