did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
