My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
