At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
