I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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