I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
