You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
