Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
