i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize