you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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