Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
