He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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