So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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