No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize