I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
