im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
