New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize