Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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