i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize