we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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