I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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