I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
