PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
