I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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