I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
