Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
