can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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