Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just gargled with NyQuil
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
