i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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