I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
