The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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