I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
