When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
