I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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