I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
