When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
