he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
