Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
