just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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