So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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